Hurting. Weak. (Man After God's own Heart pt 4)

Hurting. Weak. That's how I can describe myself. That is the state I'm in. Hurting because of a host of things that I've endured in my life time and weak because I couldn't or didn't see those things, and even if I had I probably wouldn't have been able to stop them. Hurting because of broken relationships, failed promises, piercing words, evil in the word, old wounds, and the list goes on. Weak because my own strength and power is not enough to obtain, maintain, or sustain my life and the way in which I would like to order it. Weak because of inconsistency.
I don't know if I've ever admitted to being a hurt individual. I used to think telling how you feel and all that made you weak. I've since realize that it doesn't make you weak. It merely exposes weakness. In other words, we're already weak. Telling about it meerly confirms what is within. I've always tried to pretend to be strong. In some cases I even started to believe it and flaunt my strength. I think we all do that. I am thinking of a person right now that often shows strength, but in subtle ways that simply appear weakness shows.
Kids these days seem a lot older to me, just by the way they act. They seem more confident, more grown up, more independent. The funny thing is that they aren't. In fact they are less grown up, less confident, less independent. Our humanity costume is designed to look big and bad; even scary so that others will admire, cringe in fear, or be intimidated by us. Little do people know that just beneath, the glitz and glamor, the botox, the implants, the bling, the fancy expensive, elaborate, showy, costume with it's mask; there is nakedness. There is vulnerability. If you take the right thing away, we're reduced to shame. Exposed.
My favorite song these days goes like this:

All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life

Let the pain and the sorrow
Be washed away
In the waves His mercy
As deep cries out to deep

We sing come Lord Jesus, Come

Does this apply to you? I know it applies to me. I am thirsty. I am weak. Come Lord Jesus, Come!!!! Because as you said in John 15 apart from You I can do NOTHING!!!

(Man after God's own Heart pt. 3) the Heart

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? "I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve." Jeremiah 17:9-10
I was reading this passage the other day, and in my Bible there are references to other scripture that coincide or help better elaborate a lot of words and passages. For the word heart in this passage there are several references to other passages.
Ecclesiastes 9:3 which says, "This is the evil in everything that happens under the sun: The same destiny overtakes all. The hearts of men, moreover, are full of evil and there is madness in their hearts while they live, and afterward they join the dead." There is also Jeremiah 11:8; 13:10; 16:12; and 17:9 which all talk about the stubborness of heart the Israelites had and not to returning to God, ultimately leading to their destruction and exile. Of course their are numerous other passages that I could list that talks about the heart of man and what's on the inside. I'm not going to list them all but the number of scripture was enough to make me stop and ponder the implications for myself. And something crazy happened.

God began to show me my own heart and what's on the inside. He brought situations, decisions, and actions to mind in which I had less then pure motives. I began to recall times in which I've taken advantage of people for my own gain. There were times where I would do something great for God but secretly was stealing glory from Him. There have been times in which I've lied, cheated, and stolen. There have been times where I've done things with wrong motives. I can think of times at church, leading worship, speaking engagements, conversations with people (including friends and those I care about), with family, with those that God brought into my life for me to minister to, at my job, IN MINISTRY, and the list goes on, in which I did wrong. All the while, I would recieve praise from people and I knew that God used me!! That seems strange!!! Absurd even!!!! Here I am, supposedly some spiritual giant of a person whom God is using in other peoples lives, and to further His kingdom, and yet my heart is not completely right!!!! How can that be? How can God do that? Why would he? Well I suppose the words of Jeremiah in 32:17 and 32:27 are true that there is nothing too hard for God.
The hard reality is not necessarily that God still uses me. The hard reality is that there is evil inside my heart. There is evil inside everyone's heart. Matthew 12:34b says, "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." It then makes sense how as James 3:9-10 explains how with our tongue we praise God and curse men!!!
It makes sense how King David, the man after God's own heart could commit adultery. It makes sense how presidents, pastors, teachers, can fall into sexual sin. It makes sense how guns get into schools, and how seemingly normal people can commit atrocious crimes. It is because inside of our hearts there is evil. Matthew 15:18-20a says "But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean'. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man 'unclean'.
I'm pretty sure that I'm guilty of all of these in some way or another. I bet that gives a different view of Will Branch now doesn't it. I guess what I'm saying is that I am just as capable of any and all of the bad stuff that is done in the world as any criminal, or serial killer, or fallen spiritual leader. In fact if my heart goes unchecked and unbroken, that's exactly where I'd be headed. Thankfully "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6
Thankfully while man looks at the outward appearance, God looks at what's on the inside.
Often times people are devastated by the havoc wreaked when a spiritual leader falls. We don't know what to do. We question God and wonder why things weren't obvious. It's hard to put trust in someone and then to have all blown up in your face. There was situation at a local sister church of Eastbrook a few years ago involving a pastor and I know people that are still dealing with wounds from it. Peoples' lives were changed, rocked, devastated by it. I'm sure New Life Church in Colorado Springs is still dealing with the aftermath of what happened with Ted Haggard. So what do we do? How do we steer clear of such pain? What are we supposed to do since we can't see what's on the inside of a persons' heart, especially since most people are masters at hiding what's on the inside?
Jeremiah 17 tells us what's up.

5 This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

6 He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."