Humble thy self..........

I think God is humbling me. I think God is breaking me!

I'm 26 years old. I don't have a significant other. I am taking 7 credits at MATC of all places. I don't have my own house or apartment for that matter. I'm a bus driver. Part-time. I don't have much saved. I'm not where I want to be. Life is moving slowly.

I think that God is humbling me and perhaps even challenging.
Humbling me because there is still a lot of pridefulness in my own accomplishments and gifts. I know I'm prideful because if I wasn't, where I am in life wouldn't be such a big deal. So what if people that started college after me are finished before me. So what if a good friend that used to be in a small group that I led is getting married next month and I'm not even dating anyone. So what if I don't own a house or even have my own apartment. So what I go to MATC, it's a good school!! Just the fact that those things bother me helps me to realize that I'm not completely broken yet. I'm still holding out.
I know that God has started that process in me. And rest assured that it is a process. I think it began years ago when I was a full-time college student. I remember reading a book about brokenness and I knew that that is what God wanted to do in me and that He was waiting for me to open myself up to it.
I remember praying sort of half-heartedly that God would maybe sorta kinda break me a little. I remember realizing that just opening up my heart a little bit was enough for God to get in and start working on me from the inside out. It's still going on. I've had a lot of circumstances come along that have tested me. I'm not even the same person I was 6 months ago let alone 6 years ago.
I've heard a lot from other people that God has some calling on my life. I love hearing that!! To this day I still love hearing that!! I love knowing that people see something in me. But at the same time, whatever it is that God has got for me, my talents and gifts and present state aren't enough to get me to that place. They simply will not do. I know that for whatever God is calling me to, He's getting me in shape for. Quite frankly it's been painful, and hard, and difficult, and challenging, and all the other adjectives.
I've learned a lot about myself and I've had to take a look at my shortcomings and expose sin and faults. I'm still doing that stuff. I've had to admit that I'm weak. I've had to admit that I can't do it all myself. I've had to go before the throne and repent. I'm convinced that there is still more to be done. I guess I could just give up and quit. I could say I'm done with it and don't want any part in it anymore; this sanctification process that is.
But, I've gone through too much; I've gone too far. I'm too deep into it now to go back or stop. I just have to keep going. "I'm confident of this, that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."