i feel love in probably 3 different ways: when someone goes out of their way to do something for me; when someone takes the time to think about me and does something off that; when someone encourages me.
I was talking to one of my small group guys and he is similar in the way he feels loved. He was lamenting to me about his parents and how they didn't get him anything for his birthday, and how they don't give him rides any where, ect. Essentially what he was saying although I don't know if he could articulate it is that he didn't feel like his parents were loving him the way that he experiences it.
I could totally relate, and it's funny how God works timing out. I say that because I was in this program for relational and sexual wholeness and I'd noticed that there is built up resentment towards my parents and particularly my mother and it's because I didn't feel they loved me the way I felt love. I specifically remember times when I was younger in which I had to fend for myself a lot. Specifically, I remember that if there was some activity like youth group, or a hang out, or something like that, that I would need to find my own ride there and back. In fact, I recall the first time I went on a mission trip and first time out of the country. My church youth ministry took a group of us to Mexico. We stayed there for a week; it was an awesome trip and there was sooo much to tell about when I got home. And you know how it is when you get home from some trip and you're at the airport and there is someone usually waiting for you to give you a big hug and whatever. Well when we arrived at the airport there was no one there waiting for me. And we arrived at the church there was no one there for me. In fact, I had to call my mom because I guess she forgot to pick me up. I had to get a ride home from another family and when I finally got home there was no one there either. I sat at home for the first two hours of returning from my first mission trip and my first time out of the country and one of the first times I've ever seen God move in my life. I remember not feeling the love there.. In fact I recall feeling a bit sad actually. I've been on other trips since then and do you know I've yet to have someone waiting for me from my family. When I returned home from basic training and technical school, after being gone from April to August there was no one waiting for me either.
I remember working at Fort Wilderness (this christian camp) in the summer time, and I'd be gone for anywhere from a week to the whole summer. I's see that other people got care packages, or letters from their parents, including campers that were there for only a week. and I still have yet to receive a package or anything for the matter in the mail. It was the same way in college also. Students would get packages in the mail or a letter from home, birthday packages, cookies, all that stuff. At both camp and in college I'd try to drop the hints but they went unheeded. One memory that put a bad taste in my mouth in regard to my parents was when I came home from college, I had tons of stuff to carry. I went up to the door to ring the doorbell for someone to let me in and the door opened, my stepdad didn't even say hello. He handed me the garbage and told me "Here boy, make yourself useful and take this out, then he closed the door. I stood there for probably a minute. I was fuming mad and slightly sad. I think that and other things were a major contributor to why I didn't want to come home that much while in college. I even remember one time coming home from college and as usual, no one was home, no dinner prepared and I pretty much sat at home for a good 3 hrs before my mom got home and when she walked in the house I guess she was hungry and said "You didn't fix any food." I remember thinking to myself, "Shouldn't it be the other way around?"
More recently, I was talking to one of my parents, and they had mentioned the possibility of divorce. Between the two of them, they've talked about it for a number of years. And I've noticed over the years that it's hit and miss with my parents. What I mean by that is, they both try to get a long with each other, but never at the same time. Usually when one starts to try, the other doesn't want to and they come against a lot of resistance in their marriage (this is why I'm taking my time with marriage. The example I had wasn't all that great). I heard my dad make some comments about my mom and it clicked to me that I had the similar experiences with which to lament about with her. And again essentially what he was saying is that he doesn't feel loved by her (the way he experiences love). A few days later I was talking to my mother and I asked her a few questions. 1) What is your love language? 2) What is your husbands love language? I laid out the 5 love languages based on some book I was told about and interestingly enough she was able to articulate how she felt love and how her husband feels love.
It was this conversation and a few other thoughts that led me to blog about this. The Bible has some pretty clear pictures, rules, guidelines about what love is, what it does, and what it doesn't do. And the overarching theme seems to be that love goes out of it's way no matter what to be expressed. We see that in the ultimate sacrifice of the Father and His Son at the cross. So in any kind of relationship, particularly a marriage, when someone says that they've fallen out of love with someone, or the choose divorce, maybe it just means they have just CHOSEN not to show love anymore. If love goes out of it's way then don't we have to? And if we don't go out of our way to love someone the way that they feel most loved; but only express it the way we want to, are they getting the love and
