Crazy world.... Nope!! Crazy me!!

I’ve officially been a pastor for over two months now. It doesn’t even seem like it has been that long. And I guess if I’m honest, I don’t feel anymore like a pastor now, than I did two months ago. I still don’t feel like I have a grasp of what I’m doing. My head is still spinning. I’m still wondering around like a decapitated chicken.
If I could describe what it’s like to be a pastor, I’d say it’s like being the main/popular dish at an Ethiopian restaurant, or being a plate of grandma’s famous chocolate chip cookies set in the middle of a table in a room full of teenagers after going 30hrs without eating. Or perhaps I could say that it’s like standing in the middle of the track at the Daytona 500 during a race and trying to catch a ride.
I feel tired, overwhelmed, busy, restless, useless (at times), clueless, directionless, helpless, joyous, oblivious. People tell me that if I need help I can count on them but I don’t even know what I’m doing and wouldn’t even know what I needed help with in order to be able to ask it. People tell me that I’m doing a great job, which is encouraging and although I’m tempted to ask if they can be specific I don’t because I wondering if it’s because they are just being nice sometimes and I would rather avoid the embarrassment of them not being able to specifically explain them self.
I guess if I were to take a stab at what I’m supposed to be doing I’d say I’m supposed to bring some order to the chaos that is Jr. High ministry. But I’m thinking that it’ll take longer then anticipated due to the fact that I’m just trying to grab hold of something, anything at this point and work on it.
Now don’t get me wrong ‘cuz the impression put out by this post is that I don’t like what I do. I want to be clear that that is not the case at all. I don’t hate it; it’s just a lot different than I thought it would be. There are a lot more variables that I didn’t account for.
One problem area I see already is that I have a lot of experience in different areas and so I’m still asked by people to do things. And because I “just wanna help” and don’t always think things through or account for variables, I end up doing things I don’t need to be doing. I don’t NEED to lead worship. I don’t NEED to lead a small group, or teach music lessons, or do worship camp, or go on the second mission trip, or help with camps, or go to Six Flags, or do family camp, or lead worship on the 25th, or be involved with the youth worship team, or teach Sunday school, or … you get the point. I don’t need to do any of those things. But for some reason here I sit. Involved in most of that other stuff, in addition to doing what I do, and preparing to go back to school. Hmm!!! I’d say that Daytona 500 sounds about right.
I had a good day yesterday, and I noted that on my facebook status. I was reflecting on that last night as I lay down to go to sleep. I was wondering what made it feel like a good, because NO LIE it really did. I went to bed feeling like nothing pressing needed to be done. I felt at peace pretty much the whole day. And if I’m honest, it wasn’t because got all that much done yesterday because I didn’t. I actually canceled some things. I came into work later than normal. I didn’t get much done while I was there. I played tennis with some kids in the afternoon. I planned a little bit for youth group that night. We had youth group. I had good conversation with some students on the way to drop them off and I went home.
The key was that in the morning I got up and went before the LORD; confessing sin, humbling myself, interceding for certain things, worshipping HIM, and figuring out what the Father’s business was for me that day. That led me to cancel some things and pay more attention to certain other things. I pretty much simplified my life for a day and instead of pleasing everyone else, I sought to please God. Though it doesn’t seem like it in the Old Testament, God is pretty easy to please. It is pleasing to Him when we tune in to His agenda instead of always pushing ours. It’s funny how, as easy as that is to remember, it’s that easy to forget also. I know that about God, but do I wake every morning and “call upon His name.” No. No wonder I’m restless, helpless, and oblivious. Actually I take that back, I was always that way. It just took ignoring God, coming back to Him, and then forgetting Him again to figure that out. It looks like this youth pastor still has some growing up to do.