Broken

I'm Will Branch, a 23 year old sort of college student that does a good job of preteneding like things are all together. The truth!! I'm a broken person. A person with many struggles, many faults, many short comings. I think I've done a pretty good job of looking spiritual. People say all the time how I'm a person of character, integrity, and that I have a passion for the Lord that is evident to all. While I suppose all of that is true: I do try to be who I say I am, do I what I say I'm going to do, and I love being a follower of Christ; I still struggle with it all. And, by no means am I where I want to be; I suppose not even where I should be.
I still have holes; fairly big ones I might add. There are still things that are missing in my life. There are still things that just aren't right. I guess I'm writing this blog out of frustration about those things. It seems like every time I try to work on one things, something else either pops up or gets out of control. I'm sort of an all or nothing kind of guy. I try to work on everything at once. I'm able to do a whole bunch of things ok but not do one thing really well because I'm spread so thin. So I end of getting frustrated and just give up, if only for a little while. Kinda crazy huh!?!
Something else I've been thinking about is how we as the human race are so broken and fragile. It's very easy for us to "miss the mark" or stray off course in life through both choices we make and uncontrolled (by ourselves) circumstances but it takes the longest time to get back on course. For example, it can take just one drink for a person to be hooked and turned into an alcoholic. But, it literally takes years to be rid of it. And really, you never rid of it, you're just sober. Or a child that has experienced any type of abuse. It takes one time, one incident, for someone to be a victim but it takes years to be healed and free from it's affects.
At the place where I work I see so much dysfunction in the people that I work with. So much brokeness and despair.
I honestly am boggled to the very core of my mind why God would choose to use someone like me. I've been used by God more times than I can count. There are so many people that have told me how God has used me in there lives. There are so many times where I've personally seen God use me. And every time, I'm humbled and saddened that I can't offer up something better. I guess that's the grace of God. The words of this song have really resonated with me these past few weeks. " Once again I look upon the cross where you died. I'm humbled by your mercy and I'm broken inside. Once again I thank you. Once again I pour out my life. Lord, thank You for using people like me to do Your work. I'm not sure why, but I do know that Your thoughts are higher than mine, Your words are deeper than mine, Your live is stronger than mine.