The Born Identity

I spoke at a retreat this weekend and it was sweet!! I wish I had pictures to prove how great it was. I was so nervous for nearly a month leading up to this past weekend. I think all day Friday I my stomach was in knots. On the bus ride I was a little nervous too. But then some kids locked me in the bathroom on the bus and I just laughed as I tried to push the door open as about 5 kids are trying to hold it closed. That was soo funny!! Thanks guys!!! We stayed up late Friday night, I'd say probably till about 1:30 in fact, then we turned out the lights.
Saturday morning, us leaders got up at early for prayer at 7.
The session started around 9:15. For the sessions we did a game, trivia, singing, speaking. My first session was about identity and I talked about how important identity is in the world. I talked about how you can't get a job, pay bills, go to school, get in and out of the country, shop, etc., without identification. Then I talked about the movie "the Bourne Identity". I gave my testimony about how I didn't know who I was and how I was shy (funny how know one seems to believe me when I tell them that), how I was a geek in jr. high, welfare, having a stutter, being lonely a lot, and a few other details about my life. I talked about jr. high and how I tried to identify with academics and then tried to identify with friends and how I failed at both in the end.
After our sessions we did a scavenger hunt, and then had free time. Of course I played broomball a lot. I also went tubing which was fun. I wasn't too cold out which made life pleasant.
I skipped dinner because I was having trouble with what I was going to talk about for the Saturday night service. I had a little bit to say, but not enough to fill a whole 20 minutes. But the odd part about that was, I was ok with that. It was as if God had bigger plans (which turned out to be true). So I prayed that God would speak to me and sat quietly to try to listen to Him. After a few minutes I started writing down what He told me. After about 3.5 pages both sides, I stopped writing, thanked God and asked Him to fill me and use me and then I went downstairs to sit in on worship. We sang this song during worship that really stirred my heart. The hymn was Before the Throne of God Above. The part that really stuck out to me was in the chorus where it says, "My name is written on His hands, My graven on His heart." I think it stuck because of God and what he filled my mouth to talk about. The drama team also did this really powerful skit!! I recommend going on Godtube and finding it because it's really powerful. It gave me goosebumps and actually made me tear up. During the singing and the skit I started to get this sense of nervousness only it wasn't in my stomach. It was more like in my chest. My heart started beating really fast and there was some sort of adrenaline flow or something. I realized immediately what it was because I've had similar experiences when leading worship or when God puts something inside of me to say. It was the Holy Spirit.
So after the skit was done I got up, opened my mouth, and the Holy Spirit came out. That's the best way to descibe it I guess. I was there. I know I spoke. I remember saying words. I even remember what I was talking about. But it was like I was watching my life be lived inside my own body. Someone told me later, that they could tell God was speaking through me. No one moved. No one talked. People laughed at small jokes I told but everyone was attentive. Truth be told I'm not even sure how long it went for. I just know God used....well.... worked through me. I talked about how the God of the universe loves us no matter what and he wants us to be identified as His child. I talked about how we go to all sorts of things for love and acceptance and belonging but God is the only ultimate. I talked about adoption and asked how people would feel if when they get adopted and people responded to that. We gave an invitation afterwards for people who need prayer to find a leader and talk with them and God moved. Such a cool experience and I got to hear stories about some of the kids and what God was doing in them through what we talked about and it made me get a little teary-eyed.

After the session we hung out, played indoors and outdoors, had snack, told embarassing stories, laughed, some people sang, etc,. Then it was time to head back to the cabins so the leaders shephered people. Some cabins had pillow fights. Some talked for a bit. We had a little of both. Then we went to sleep.
Sunday morning the leaders got up early again for prayer and we talked a little about Saturday night and how God was working in the lives of the kids. Then we woke kids up for breakfast, ate, and headed back down for our final sessions. We did worship, a little trivia I think, and then I spoke about the skit a little because some kids had questions about it. Then I talked about God wanting to use us and how we need to be open vessels and we read some scripture in Ephesians about being filled with love, the Holy spirit, and being controlled by the spirit. I talked about some of my experiences of being used by God and showed a picture of me in a very prominant magazine and told some other stories. We shared communion with each other and then ended the session. We packed, and cleaned up, and had a little time for some last minute fun. I played broomball of course and by then the buses had arrived so we loaded the buses and took off. We had a great ride home. I talked with kids, slept, we watched "Cool Runnings" which has like 12 swears in it by the way. We stopped in Green Bay for Linner (that's a mix between lunch and dinner). Then we headed on home.

Our weekend was fun and I love our kids. They were great!!! Everyone was supportive of me and I'm humbly thankful that God used me this weekend. I got to hear stories tonight from kids about things they learned and it was cool to see how God worked. God is great!!!

Life Report Card for William Branch: FAILED

I've come tot he conclusion that my life is a series of subsequent fairlure. In the last 24hrs I'd say I've failed atleast half a dozen people if not more, and not to mention the daily ways in which I fail God. Maybe it's just me because that's all I know but how does man, your average joe have confidence in anything he does. Seriously, let me give you a run down of how I've failed, and due to not desiring to get to personal please note that I won't even be listing them all.

1st of all I am supposed to be buying a car from a very sweet older lady. She's been very patient with me and she's giving me a great deal on a very reliable car. I was supposed to send a check to her this week because she said that she would give me another week to get some money together to put down on the car so she can hold it for me (a neighbor of hers has been asking about the car to and she wants to get rid of it). So I've had 7 days to send a payment in the mail and because I'm such a procrastinator, and I don't plan ahead, and because I fail. I haven't sent in the check to her. She's been so gracious to give me another day but I could sense that she was getting a little restless with me and is having a hard time believing that I'm serious about buying the car because I haven't been faithful to what I said I was going to do. Here I am, I know I'm supposed to send the money but I don't.
Grade: F+

2nd: I made a "plan" (notice the quotation marks denoting the fact that plan for me has a different definition than normal people) to go visit Bethel this weekend. And because I didn't follow through on somethings I wasn't able to go. So I failed my very good friend in MN, I failed the advisor I was supposed to meet with to talk about and plan my future at Bethel, and in a sense I failed some other friends who were looking forward to hanging out with me this weekend. Now they have to find something else to do all because of me.
Grade: F++

3rd: I had planned to stop up in Stevens Point on my way to Bethel to hang out with soem dear friends and brothers of mine whom I haven't seen in a few months. When we get together we normally stay up and play Halo and talk. I knew this was coming up. I planned on being there. I talked with my friend the day before, telling them I was going to be there. And then the day comes and up due to circumstances that were semi-not under my control and some circumstances that were under my control I wasn't able to make it. I missed out. So I failed my friends. And the sad part about that is, it's not the first time I've had to cancel. It's not even the second time. In fact, I'm almost certain it's not even the fourth time. My friends are gracious and although they were bummed they understood, but I failed them. Big Time!!! And there is no excuse for that!!!!
Grade: F+++++, in fact, I think I'm going to go with U for Unsatisfactory.

4th: I'm speaking at a retreat next weekend. I've known about this for the better part of a month now. I've known what I was going to be speaking about because I picked the topic. Here we are a week away from me sharing the Word of God with people (a HUGE responsibility in it's own right) and I'm not ready!! This sounds like a parable of the talents or something. So as of right now I'm failing my youth pastor, my church, the kids I'll be speaking to, myself, and my God!!! Terrible!!!!! By right I probably....no.... I know I don't deserve to be up there.
Grade: You guessed it. F+++++++++++++ (If I could find the infinity sign I'd have that on there.)

5th: My friend in Stevens Point, you know, the one that I failed before when I was supposed to come up there to play Halo and hang out with. He just texted me for the 2nd time wondering where I was because I was supposed to go up tonight to hang out and go see a movie with. But due to other circumstances semi beyond my control and as always, cirmcumstances that are under my control, I'm not there. And that's not even the worse part. The worse part is that I'm actively failing him because He's wondering where I am and I haven't even told him whether or not I'm ok because I'm so chicken to talk with Him because I've failed him again. What a loser huh? Some pastor I'll turn out to be.
Grade: F to the Infinite power.

Is life always like this? I feel like I should be miles ahead in terms of my maturity and being able to follow through on what I say I'm going to do. I wouldn't make it as an Englishman because my word is not bond, unlike God's Word. Hebrews 6:18-20 says, "God has given us both his promise and his oath. These two thinks are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can take new courage, for we can hold on to his promise with confidence. This confidence is like a stron and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain of heaven into God's inner sanctuary."
In a lot respects I'm super glad that I'm not God because there would be so many holes in what I said and what I promised. That scripture wouldn't be true of me. Now I know grace abounds and that I'm forgiven and blah blah blah. But is life always going be a series of subsequent failures, one right after another? I (forgive my french) sure as hell hope not!!!!!
LORD!!!! WILL THE MADNESS END?!?!?
Pause.
And the Lord responds with a song that says:

A thousand times I've failed, still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again, still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fails,
Neverending, your glory goes beyond all things. Yea!!!
In my heart and my sould, Lord I give you control.
Consume me from the inside out Lord.
Let justice and praise, become my embrace, to love you from the inside out.

Hmmm!?!?