Life Report Card for William Branch: FAILED
I've come tot he conclusion that my life is a series of subsequent fairlure. In the last 24hrs I'd say I've failed atleast half a dozen people if not more, and not to mention the daily ways in which I fail God. Maybe it's just me because that's all I know but how does man, your average joe have confidence in anything he does. Seriously, let me give you a run down of how I've failed, and due to not desiring to get to personal please note that I won't even be listing them all.
1st of all I am supposed to be buying a car from a very sweet older lady. She's been very patient with me and she's giving me a great deal on a very reliable car. I was supposed to send a check to her this week because she said that she would give me another week to get some money together to put down on the car so she can hold it for me (a neighbor of hers has been asking about the car to and she wants to get rid of it). So I've had 7 days to send a payment in the mail and because I'm such a procrastinator, and I don't plan ahead, and because I fail. I haven't sent in the check to her. She's been so gracious to give me another day but I could sense that she was getting a little restless with me and is having a hard time believing that I'm serious about buying the car because I haven't been faithful to what I said I was going to do. Here I am, I know I'm supposed to send the money but I don't.
Grade: F+
2nd: I made a "plan" (notice the quotation marks denoting the fact that plan for me has a different definition than normal people) to go visit Bethel this weekend. And because I didn't follow through on somethings I wasn't able to go. So I failed my very good friend in MN, I failed the advisor I was supposed to meet with to talk about and plan my future at Bethel, and in a sense I failed some other friends who were looking forward to hanging out with me this weekend. Now they have to find something else to do all because of me.
Grade: F++
3rd: I had planned to stop up in Stevens Point on my way to Bethel to hang out with soem dear friends and brothers of mine whom I haven't seen in a few months. When we get together we normally stay up and play Halo and talk. I knew this was coming up. I planned on being there. I talked with my friend the day before, telling them I was going to be there. And then the day comes and up due to circumstances that were semi-not under my control and some circumstances that were under my control I wasn't able to make it. I missed out. So I failed my friends. And the sad part about that is, it's not the first time I've had to cancel. It's not even the second time. In fact, I'm almost certain it's not even the fourth time. My friends are gracious and although they were bummed they understood, but I failed them. Big Time!!! And there is no excuse for that!!!!
Grade: F+++++, in fact, I think I'm going to go with U for Unsatisfactory.
4th: I'm speaking at a retreat next weekend. I've known about this for the better part of a month now. I've known what I was going to be speaking about because I picked the topic. Here we are a week away from me sharing the Word of God with people (a HUGE responsibility in it's own right) and I'm not ready!! This sounds like a parable of the talents or something. So as of right now I'm failing my youth pastor, my church, the kids I'll be speaking to, myself, and my God!!! Terrible!!!!! By right I probably....no.... I know I don't deserve to be up there.
Grade: You guessed it. F+++++++++++++ (If I could find the infinity sign I'd have that on there.)
5th: My friend in Stevens Point, you know, the one that I failed before when I was supposed to come up there to play Halo and hang out with. He just texted me for the 2nd time wondering where I was because I was supposed to go up tonight to hang out and go see a movie with. But due to other circumstances semi beyond my control and as always, cirmcumstances that are under my control, I'm not there. And that's not even the worse part. The worse part is that I'm actively failing him because He's wondering where I am and I haven't even told him whether or not I'm ok because I'm so chicken to talk with Him because I've failed him again. What a loser huh? Some pastor I'll turn out to be.
Grade: F to the Infinite power.
Is life always like this? I feel like I should be miles ahead in terms of my maturity and being able to follow through on what I say I'm going to do. I wouldn't make it as an Englishman because my word is not bond, unlike God's Word. Hebrews 6:18-20 says, "God has given us both his promise and his oath. These two thinks are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can take new courage, for we can hold on to his promise with confidence. This confidence is like a stron and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain of heaven into God's inner sanctuary."
In a lot respects I'm super glad that I'm not God because there would be so many holes in what I said and what I promised. That scripture wouldn't be true of me. Now I know grace abounds and that I'm forgiven and blah blah blah. But is life always going be a series of subsequent failures, one right after another? I (forgive my french) sure as hell hope not!!!!!
LORD!!!! WILL THE MADNESS END?!?!?
Pause.
And the Lord responds with a song that says:
A thousand times I've failed, still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again, still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fails,
Neverending, your glory goes beyond all things. Yea!!!
In my heart and my sould, Lord I give you control.
Consume me from the inside out Lord.
Let justice and praise, become my embrace, to love you from the inside out.
Hmmm!?!?
posted by Will Branch @ 6:30 PM
4 Comments
4 Comments:
Ya know, this is weird. I just got done getting chewed out by my parents for how bad of a kid I've been this past month. You've never seen my mom angry, and I've never seen my mom angry... until today. 'Furious' might even apply.
'John, you don't have a job, you need to get your act together for college, your grades are horrible, you said you do this and that and you didn't, you sleep all day, you don't help out, you have housig issues you need to take care of...' It went on for a while. And, honestly, she's right. I, as much as you, have failed so often it's almost borderline funny. People who love us are so gracious to still place their trust in us, gracious to believe our word when they have every bit of evidence that we'll break it. How can love smoothe over those cracks and breaks in trust so effortlessly, so perfectly? It's amazing. And, eh, it's pretty neat.
As painful as it is to hear, as hard as it is to swallow, and as difficult as it is to believe and understand... despite all our failures, all our mishaps, all our imperfections... we still have people and an almighty God in our lives who love us unconditionally, who repeatedly extend grace, and who cherish our friendship more than we could imagine.
From one failure to another, from one person who lacks confidence to another... I extend to you this:
You're forgiven, even when you feel unforgiveable. And you're loved, even when you feel unloveable.
And even though you feel like a failure, you've already won in so many ways... even though it's super hard to see. But look close, and you'll see all the little victories that will spur you onto more.
:)
i came across your blog today and it was the title that really caught my attention. beautiful. i've read a few of your posts, they're really interesting and well-written.
i just wanted to say in regards to you supposedly failing in life, don't think that. we all stumble, make mistakes, and, as you mentioned, circumstances that are out of our control do arise. just give it to God. nobody has ever been, is, or will ever be perfect - except for our Savior. you will grow and learn from these experiences, which is a great thing.
The previous posters are right, God does love you and does forgive you. But you know that this is not good enough. You have a responsibility to yourself. So step up, and be a man! You know where you're failing yourself, so get serious about making some changes, if you are serious about wanting a change.
I see that you come back to this in a later post about being a man after God's own heart. That's awesome, Go for it, and don't sit back in the "God will forgive me" thing. He will, but that doesn't mean He's happy for you to sit back and not grow.
It's not about being perfect, its about pushing on towards the goal, striving to get closer to what God has called you to be. Or if you prefer it from scripture, try Phil 3:13-14 "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus."
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