Inadequate

Inadequate. That's how I feel right now. Here's the reason why. One of the youth pastors at our church will be leaving most likely before the summer is over and of course his position will need to be filled. I've heard talk and have been approached by people from our church about me being considered for that position.
Now I've always wanted to be a pastor. Ever since I was a little kid, above all other aspirations that I've had, being a pastor has always stayed true. I know that is my bent in life. I know that above all, that's what I've been created to do. Frankly, I'm not very good at many other things anyway.
So why, after many years of dreaming and yearning and praying, do I hesitate to say accept what has proved to be my calling? Well, over that past two years, probably ever since I went to SLT '06 (School of Leadership Training) my perspective on what leadership is has changed. I think a lot of people see it as a glorious thing. There certainly are a lot of books dedicated to how to be a leader and what good things can happen. I've heard stories about people who were great leaders and were able to "move mountains" in there lives.
But leadership isn't as glorious as it seems. Atleast not to me. It's SO HARD!!! It's quite a burden to bear!! Even more specifically, spiritual leadership is quite a burden to bear. Being responsible for the spiritual direction of my own self is hard of enough, to add other people to it would just be way too much!! I've had my share of successes and failures as a leader and it is a tremendous responsibility. For someone to make decisions that can drastically affect the outcome of others is huge. I don't know if I'd ever want to be president. In fact I'm almost sure that I don't want to be president.
Questions that come to mind are, What if I fail? What if I make a mistake that messes up a lot of lives? What if I lead people astray? What do I do when people oppose me? What if no one catches the vision that I wholeheartedly believe God has called me to?
I guess I can honestly say that being a pastor scares me. Can you believe that? I'm scared to do the very that "God Almighty" has called me to. I'm scared of messing it up. I know the things about me that no one else knows. I see the areas where I fall short. I think to myself sometimes, why should/would anyone want to follow me? I've been told by people that when I become a pastor that I should let them know so they can come to my church. That used to be flattering but now it's not so much anymore. I'm pretty sure that if I was a pastor it would be a whole lot easier for me to do my job if there weren't anyone coming to my church. Maybe I could be a shepherd that herds people to other churches so that don't have to see me make mistakes.
That's how I feel. I've seen how tired pastors look. I know how draining it can be to go to church because everyone wants a piece of you. You're asked and expected to feed five thousand along with women and children and you don't even have five loaves and two fish.
I don't feel like I'm even old enough. I don't feel old enough to get married, have kids, by a house or a car, or even be a youth pastor. How do I reconcile all that?
These are some of the thoughts that I've been thinking about lately.
One truth that I know and am trying to hold on to is that, "When God calls a person to something, He always equips them to do what He's called them to do." I think I'll need to say that a million times a day just to remind myself of that everyday.