I was wrong!!!

I was wrong ok. There, I said it. I don't like saying it. I'm not happy about saying. I'm not happy about being wrong but I was. I was wrong in my thinking about the way to do things. I was wrong in my perceptions about my parents and what they were trying to do for me. I was wrong to complain to others about how bad they are. I was wrong to not keep in contact with them and my grandfather on a regular basis. It was wrong of me to neglect my finances and think that they will get better. It was wrong of me to forgo doing what I should be doing so that I could do what I wanted to do. I was wrong. It seems like I was wrong about everything just about. All of those summers being at Fort Wilderness, although they were fun and I met a lot of cool people and built good relationships I was wrong. I should've been out getting a job and saving. Looking at my circumstances instead of the end goal was wrong. Forgoing pain so that I could have pleasure was wrong. Trying to get out of the National Guard because I hated it, no matter whether I needed the money or not was wrong. Maybe even being part of IV for so long eventhough it wasn't helping me get to where I needed to be was wrong. Maybe staying in Stevens Point was wrong. Busying myself with things other than school, seeing school as a hindurance to where I want to be, and resenting school altogether was wrong. I was WRONG!!! WRONG!!! WRONG!!! WRONG!! WRONG!! WRONG!!!
Is there no end to this madness. Is it always going to be like this. Why can't we just do what we want to do? Sometimes I wish I was ignorant of the right thing to do so that I had an excuse for doing the wrong things. In a way I guess I was ignorant. But it was because I took other people's directions the wrong way. I feel so stupid!! Jesus save me from my stupidity!! Save me from my youthful arrogance!! Save me from pride!! Save me from self destruction!! Save me!!! I can't do this life without you!!! Is that what you want to hear? I admit it Jesus!! Have your way!!! Do whatever but please send me relief from myself. Send me relief from my circumstances. Give me wisdom and guidance to live this life the way it should be lived. Help me to trust in You and recognize the people you send to me to give me guidance. Help me!!