Lost in Translation

In case you hadn't noticed by my last few posts, these last few months have been TOUGH!!! I feel like I'm a balloon and God has been poking at me with a sharp knife. Seriously, life has been pretty low. And honestly, there have been times in the past few days where I've been ready to give up this whole following God thing. Not because I don't believe in God mind you. But because life is just tough!!! And through it all I know that God is there but I've been wondering why He won't do anything!! Why doesn't He just step in save us!!! Why doesn't He just make wrongs right and save!!!! I feel like I've gone through a lot of pain and struggle and I know God is there but I'm wondering, "God why don't You do something!!!!"
But I guess what I've really been saying is "God, why don't You save me the way I want You to save me." Late last night to early this morning I was going over a lot of situations I've been in and I've been letting God have it!! I barely held anything back. But I began to realize that I was wanting God to do things the way I wanted them to be done. I was expecting God to do somethings that maybe God never intended. I was sulking in my own selfishness and basically yelling at God because He hasn't met my expectations. I was so mad that though I realized what I was doing I didn't even care.
Truth be told, I'm still mad!!! I'm mad that I can't get my own way!! I'm mad that the view I've had of God has been wrong. I'm mad that it seems like a lot what I've been taught by the church has contributed to my wrong thinking. I'm mad that a lot of other people have been are still wrong. How did we get so far off of all that God is!! How did we get so far off and nobody knows!! If someone knew, how come they didn't say anything!! If we're this far how what will keep us from getting any farther off course.
Just as an example, a few years ago, as I began to read the Bible more consistently and hold the content better I began to have questions about certain things. I was reading a few years ago the story about Jesus calling his disciples and how the Bible account says, "...they immediately left their nets and followed Him." I was confused for a long time about why they immediately left their nets but I never raised the question until recently. I found the answer and it made so much sense!! But went on a quest to find out how to understand the Bible. And the best way to do that is through a little thing called CONTEXT!!! I'm sure you all realize that anyone can make the Bible say anything they want it to say. I've probably done it myself. But to understand it the way it should be understood you need to know what it says, what it meant to the people it was written to, and how to translate it to us today.
So, now I've been on this quest and I'm most certain that God has been taking me on it (more like dragging me along kicking and screaming). I'm on this quest to learn truth. Truth about God. Christianity. Life.
It's been hard!!! It's still hard!! I'm even beginning to think that it's always going to be like this. It probably will get even harder. And the harder it gets the more I'm crying out to God for some relief or some reward. And all the while He's telling me that I'm probably not going to see it til' after I breathe my last.
For the sake of preserving self(flesh) I want to reject that. Especially since I've heard growing up about prosperity and the "good life" as a christian. But God says, "Trust me." And I'm thinking, "Sure I see what happens when I trust in you. I don't get what I want." But, I guess that's the big idea. OUCH!!!