Riches I heed not...

Trust in Him.
As a christian I've heard that tons of time. "Oh don't worry about it. Just trust in God and He will take care of it. He'll give the desire of your hearts. Ask. Seek. Knock. Trust in God." I've heard these messages so much in my nearly 24 years of existence I just want to throw up. Moslty because of their implications.
The implication is that if I convince God by my words that I'm trusting in Him that I will get money or things. A fast car. A nice house. A great spouse. Nice expensive clothes. Popularity. The Nobel Peace prize.
No one ever talks about how difficult it is to trust in God because trusting in God is a process. It's not a turn it on and off whenever it serves your purpose. It's like trying to stop a big boulder that's coming down the mountain and pushing it back up the hill. I've never done that but I can only imagine how difficult it is. Trusting in God isn't a partial thing. You can't trust in God with somethings and not with others. Because if you do that than you're not really trusting in God. God doesn't want parts of us. He wants all of us!!! You've heard it said in the Bible, "you can't serve two masters." God means that. You can't have one foot in the world and the other in eternity.
What does trusting in God mean? It means more than singing about it. It means more than praying "God help me trust in You." It means more than saying it. You'll know you completely trust in God when You don't care about fame, money, clothes, blessings, a nice care, fame and fortune, popularity. You trust God when at any point in time you can and will willingly give up your life literaly without having to go back and "bury your dead." You trust God when you literally die to self. When you're in your own garden of Gethsemane and you're sweating blood. And you're saying, "Father take this cup from me. Not what I will but what you will." And then you stretch out your arms, give yourself up and let anything and everything be donw to you. When in the midst of all that you say "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." And you say, "Into thy hands O' God, I commit my spirit."
God has been calling me to that. I have been resistant to it. I was at SLT after one of our last sessions which was on servant leadership. God pretty much made the sun set on all of my ideas about what I wanted my life to be about. I was holding on to those things as possibilities. But God was saying just forget about all of that and trust in me(God). Now maybe you understand my frustration. I felt like I was drowning and of course I didn't want to die. I was hoping against hope that there was some thing to save me. I was thinking that someone was going to save me, after all I could see them. But they didn't and I'm about to drown. I'm almost dead. My last breath is being surrendered. 24Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. Matthew 16:24.
So what does that mean? It means that it's time to give up all of my dreams or riches and prosperity and the good life and live for God now. If that stuff comes in this life great. But by then it won't even matter.
A line from a hymn called Be Thou My Vision has been plastered across my brain since that time. It goes something like this:
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.